for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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