Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
