I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
