The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You may now shotgun with the bride
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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