please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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