Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
