Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
