did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
