found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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