I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize