Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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