If that was your dad, he is hot
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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