and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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