Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
