Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
