Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Actions speak louder than pants.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
