Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize