i was born a porn star she said
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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