Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
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Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
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We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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