o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
