Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My ATM looks so different sober.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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