you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
