never play flip cup with pint glasses
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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