My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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