So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
