If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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