He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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