I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
