Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
