i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
