Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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