I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
