Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
