dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
