Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
