She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
