Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize