We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
