there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
