I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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