the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize