Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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