once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
