he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
