i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
