I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
