i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
