You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
