i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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