Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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