I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
