I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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