He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
