My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
