New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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