i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
