Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
