Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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