It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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