All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize