Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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