that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
